A Cure for Fear

The cure for fear

Oh, fear. An old acquaintance. There is a lot I could say about fear, we used to spend a lot of time together, long nights, day dreams, quiet time. We were inseparable. Fear infiltrated my very being, it sought out and conquered every inch of me; choking me to the point of suffocation, only to allow me to gasp for air so I could continue to be a host. Fear also brought company... worry, anxiety, frustration, they partnered together so well, working as a unit, they thrived on consuming my every thought and dictated my every action. Fear made me useless to the Kingdom of God and not a factor against the kingdom of darkness, because I chose to walk in fear, I retreated and cowardly cast inward. My thoughts were of defeat. I had lost every battle before it began, all because fear makes an ant hill look like a mountain. Oh, fear. I'm so thankful you have lost. 

Fear is an interesting opponent in life, isn't it? Powerless without permission and yet mighty with consent. It's not hard to find fear. When under religion, you begin to feel defeated because of a man made doctrine. The truth becomes mans truth, a powerless God (until the end), a redeeming Son (that didn't bring a Kingdom), a Sprit of conviction... But never power. Half truths that have infiltrated churches around the world, rendering Gods children powerless. Equipping its members to be sheep among wolves, but unlike Jesus' disciple, these sheep are unprepared and unarmed. There is no power that follows their gospel. 

I think my favorite part of church growing up, would be the bible stories. The miraculous move of God through ordinary people who simply submitted to His will in their lives. I remember receiving these stories as whole truths, and leaving feeling the empowering of the Holy Spirit within me. I would dream of an opportunity in which God would make his presence know through me. That mighty God would choose to act, using someone as simple as me, to accomplish something where glory would be given to the Kingdom of God (I didn't know of the Kingdom yet, but I hungered for it). I remember longing to grow up, to be able to hop on a plane to Africa (I've always loved the thought of going to Africa, I don't know why, but I have) because God had called me to raise some people from the dead and deliver to them the good news. (What raise people from the dead??? That doesn't happen anymore... Right?) Or perhaps seeing a need... A person in need of healing, needing food, needing money and be able to allow the glory of God to be shown, the power of His Kingdom established. 

But... When I grew up, you know what happened instead, I grew out of my faith. I started to rationalize stories like Jonah as simply figurative, Daniel and the Lions den as too far fetched, Jesus rasing someone from the dead as only to show His anointing, Paul healing people, only to establish the foundation of the early church. Or reasoning with myself that we are no longer in the presence of miracles. After all when you grow up and experience "life" the safety and power of the bible seems less and less real. The future kingdom mentality is easier to live with, then the responsibility of having a kingdom mind here and now. To realize that my faith is weak, my devotion is subpar, and the time spent buying into the cares of the world, is triple the time spent meditating on the things of God. It's so simple to allow the enemy to come in and deceive you, to put the power of God on hold until a later time, to be choked by the cares of the world and the message lost.

As a child its easy to believe the bible and its glory and power, because we take the word for truth. Wether we now rationalize in our own minds the stories of the bible or not, we must see that there are some unmistakably simple truths about God. Nothing is impossible for God. God is sovereign. God is constantly using the willing. And God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. 

So what is this cure for fear? 

1 John 4:18 says, "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love." That is one powerful statement! "He who fears has not been made perfect in love." How many of us have not been made perfect in love? John goes on to explain that this love was manifested towards us in the sending of His Son into the world, that we might live through Him. To have Him live through us, we must go and see what He says about what most of us fear about, our daily needs, which is in Matthew 6:25-33.
²⁵ “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? ²⁷ Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?
²⁸ “So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; ²⁹ and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. ³⁰ Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
³¹ “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. ³³ But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you."

We see here that what so many of us have been missing all along is THE KINGDOM. We choose religion over the truth, we walk around without what Jesus said He would provide because we have lost sight of The Kingdom, "because when we make what Jesus said a religion we take away its power, we become slaves instead of allowing God to turn us into Kings".

A lot of this comes down to a choice. A choice to stand for truth despite backlash, to want to pursue and press forward, in the face of resistance. To be willing to run against the grain, and be rejected. In all of this, what a wonderful reminder that there are others growing as well, believing the truth, a fine harvest for the Lord. I have found that the more I grow in God, that everything in my life has changed. Friendships have ended, my mindset has changed, I no longer feel a need to fit into the world. I am willing to surrender all that I have unto the King, to become a part of His Kingdom. The cure for fear? To become a citizen in the Kingdom, to be transferred into the Kingdom of God (Col. 1:13). 

There is no flesh in the Kingdom, when we are transferred into the Kingdom, all that we have and all that we are becomes the Kings. We are ruled and governed by The King, not by the world. There is true freedom when we understand that the message Jesus  brought was one about a King and His Kingdom. 

Just a Mom

It's funny how life works really. The full spectrum of it all, from sleepless nights to busy days, cooking and cleaning, vacuuming and mopping... It's a busy, full time job, with no pay. My strive for worldly perfection at motherhood has left me tired and exhausted, once again laying at the feet of my Father defeated. But it is in these quiet moments of defeat, that I am emptied of myself, that I understand the depth of what my Creator wants for me. 

I have many short comings, ones I didn't even realize I had, but when you seek the Father, He brings to light certain areas that need to change. Mine, was a call to motherhood. I find it interesting that society doesn't equate motherhood as a calling, but as a burden. As a stay at home mother, I've even felt judge by some in the Christian community. I've heard women without children (I myself have felt this way) wonder why others gave up on what God called them to do, just to be a mother. And, if your not deeply rooted you begin to wonder... Why wasn't I changing the world in a school or being a CEO for God or having a bigger platform... Being Somewhere doing something that would bring glory to God. All mothers everywhere can laugh. Rasing children is important. What's funny, I have never felt more over qualified and so unprepared for a job, as I did when I first entered motherhood. 

You see the stuff like, picking up after little kids, changing diapers, dumping out potty chairs, wiping away throw up, staying up during a sickness, you know all those things didn't require a college degree. But at the same time of my self seeking flesh, I also felt very vulnerable, because I had to be an example 24/7. Who I truly was, and the real state of my heart couldn't be hidden, here I am, an imperfect person attempting to raise two beautiful babies, ones that haven't been affected by the harshness of the world... Except... When I would fail. I would love to say I never raised my voice to my children, I would love to say I never disciplined out of anger, I would love to say that after being up all night and all day for two days because both kids were sick and my husband was at work that I was the Brady Bunch mom, but in reality... I was Mommy Dearest. Just kidding, but I did feel like I was going crazy. While the time my kids were sick has long past, the struggled that I've continued to encounter as a mother has not, and here at the feet of God, wallowing and defeated (or so I thought), truth began to pour over me. 

He made me rise, not out of His presence but out of my state of mind. In Christ I cannot be a failure. With a home dedicated to the advancing of the Kingdom of God, I can't live in defeat. So here is where I learned, that I haven't shed as much of my flesh as I had thought. I'm here being a mother, because right now that is what God has called me to to do, and reminded me that children are a blessing an actual gift from God. (Ps 127:3) and if rasing children is my only job in the Kingdom, I'm blessed! 

Was I over worked? Yes, but only  because I was adding to what God called. Was I tired? Yes, of course I was because I chose not to rest, physically and spiritually. Was I worn out? Yes would be an understatement, I allowed the worlds expectations of motherhood to cloud what I felt God was calling me to do. 

So here as I watch videos in silence as to not wake the sleeping babies, I see how much I've really missed. I see the blessing and gifts I have been to preoccupied to enjoy. All because of what I thought a mother should be. The enjoyment of my children had been stolen from me because I became obsessed with the "Pinterest" life style. The perfect home, the perfect meals... The perfect life.

I was consumed with making sure my home was deep cleaned daily (You know, how people do spring cleaning??? Yes I did that everyday), I made all three meals and snacks from scratch (Not knocking this, if you can do it more power to you... It is a little harder to do in a fifth wheel), I never took a break... Ever, when it was offered I'd turn it down. What good mom needs a break right... Oh how little I knew. I was more concerned with the appearance of the perfect life than I was bringing up Kingdom children. 

As I was crying to my husband telling him that I didn't feel accomplished today, he said "You can't accomplish everything everyday." We went on to discuss what mattered and what was important, and in the end I realized that I can accomplish what God has set out for me, but the other stuff that I added on, not only does it not matter but it is unattainable. So as I approach my toddler, I scoop her into my arms and tell her " mommy is sorry today wasn't a good day..." She set her Legos down, looked up at me in surprise and said "today was a good day mommy". I was taken back a little. I thought I failed today, we didn't do the things we normally do, and yet she said it was a good day, I asked her what she liked about the day, and you know what!? It was all the things we did together. The quiet times, holding her in my lap, reading to her, pretending to go shopping, coloring, when we danced in the living room, when I chased them, when we ran outside... If only I could say that these adventures were the majority of our day or that this is how our everyday goes; But they don't, it was a few minutes here and there that these memories were made. 

However, with a fresh mindset, I realize I will not let the blessings and gifts that my children are to be taken from me.

In reality a home surrendered is a beautiful experience. No matter what I face in life, that God be at the center of it all. That I am never alone and it is here I find purpose in my life, simply because I know that the Lord has plans for my life, the life of my family. I can rest in the fact that this is His home, and me? I'm just following the manual he has set out for me. When we can take a step back and examine our life, and hold it against the statues of the Lord, not only it is sobering where we are failing, but it is awakening. We see that God wants the best for us, that what we go through many times is actually molding us, shaping us into better vessels, we are being refined by the fire. When we get to a point where all that matters is what God says, there is freedom. We aren't bound to the thoughts and concerns of the world, we are willing to do and say all that God calls. Even if it means we lose friends, even if we lose materials, even if we lose what we held as important. 

 I will not allow something as unattainable as a "Pinterest" life to be a thief. I will not compare my life to others, only seeing a portion of what is their reality. No not today Satan. Not today flesh. Not today world. You know why? Because today I'm not just a mom, I am my children's mother. And to be honest, I can't think of a better job in the world.