The Mind of a Citizen

The hard times. I think most of us have been there at one point or another in our lives, the “dark valley”. As a mother and wife I can say that I have had those times in my life, thankfully this season isn't one, and when I look back at those times it's with a different set of eyes and ears, a renewed heart and mind. Seeing the changes that God has been developing in me over time, it really is quite fascinating. Don't get me wrong, I still go through some tough times in my life, while I am blessed to have the life that I do, it isn't a perfect one. Nor am I perfect in any sense of the way. But with that being said I need to tell all of you the amazing transformation that has taken place in my mind. It has changed my entire outlook on life, it has changed my day to day decisions, it has changed everything. That is... The MIND OF A CITIZEN. There is a peace that can not be explainable and joy that is unquenchable. So there is still hope, there can still be restoration, He can change you.

But first, here is how I got to the point where I am now...

My life was falling apart, my marriage was failing, I was failing as a mother, and my relationship with the Lord, subpar at best. I mean what wife or mother doesn't long for peace, not only a self peace, but a peace within their home. For a long time my home was filled with turmoil. It was not a happy place, not one filled with joy, it seemed like everything was falling apart, and sadly I was convinced that in the end the falling apart of what I knew in my life would bring me peace. I began to find contentment in the fact that I would no longer be in a marriage (ever again) and that somehow this would be what was best for my kids. I was tired of fighting. This is what happened and the conclusions I came to by being self absorbed with my own wants and my own ways. I contemplated the idea of what would make me happy using my own reasoning, (and in turn got nowhere) I was at the center of my universe and I was exhausted. It was here that the Lord kindly, lovingly, and gently showed me that with me at the center I would never have peace, I would never be happy, and I would never fulfill the works that He created for me to walk in. Isaiah 55:8-9 says, “For My thoughts are not your thoughts. Nor are your ways My ways.” says the Lord. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than you thoughts.”. So you see, as long as I was relying on my own knowledge and on my own abilities, I was going to continually fail. I was going to keep ending up in this dark valley that I had been roaming around in for way too long.

As I began to search for real joy, a true contentment, (This time entrusting the Lord to lead me) John 10:10 came into my heart “The thief does not come EXCEPT to steal, and to kill, and to destroy.” (emphasis mine) Yikes, while that can be intimidating, I was then reminded of James 4:7 “Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.” Here's the thing, first, I was not submitting myself to the Lord, I wanted to serve up some of my own personal judgment, because forgiveness didn't seem like something I wanted to do (But boy did I need forgiveness). However, at this time holding onto anger and frustration was easier in my eyes then surrendering them and taking responsibility in my relationship with God. I preferred to have an excuse for why I acted the way I did, why I was so frustrated and so tired, I didn't to take any blame. If I was rude it was because someone did something to me, if I was short tempered it was because I had been pushed too far, it was never me. So ... By no means was I resisting the the devil, in fact I was inviting him into my home, with every rude comment, every face made, every selfish desire. As the Lord showed me that the current state of my life had more to do with me, my own actions and decisions, and less to do with those around, it was something that I wasn't ready to face, and so didn't for some time. (Isn't it funny how we say we want to be happy but wont seek the Giver of all joy?) 

Thankfully...

Something happens when you spend time with God, the more time you spend with Him, the more you take on His characteristics and the more your mind meditates on the Word (without effort). And here, in the comfort of the Word, prompting of the Spirit, and guidance of the Father, I found a peace that consumed my entire being. It was a complete reliance on the Lord, a surrender of everything I had, and It felt amazing, beyond anything I had ever experienced. My desire became to fulfill what God has set aside for me, my wants became aligned with His will. All because I became a citizen of the Kingdom. I wanted to advance the Lord reign on earth starting within my own home. My rest and assurance could be found in the Father, why? Because what He has for this little family is exactly what I want. The pressure to forge my own way, to create my own path, to plan my own destiny... Gone. All that I had became the Lords. My husband, my kids, my life. Finally, yes finally for the first time in my entire life, I. Was. Free. (Can I get an amen here?!?!?!) In freedom there is a joy that satan cannot steal. No matter how much tentsion or temptation may arise, and even if you stumble for a second, the deepest desires of the heart is to please God. My mind and heart were aligned with my spirit, God's rule and reign would be permanent, Jesus our forever King. Us... Sons and daughters.

For a long time I thought there was no hope, God couldn't save my marriage (He redeemed it, and made it stronger than it has ever been), He couldn't make me a better mother (He already started too), and He couldn't bring me true happiness (and yet somehow He did). The dark valley that I had been treading around in was of my own choice, the wallowing of my life became a safe place that I wasn't happy in, all because it was familiar. I've known so many people who stay in the dark valleys. Who aren't ready to surrender it all to God for different reasons, and who find people who encourage them to stay there, misery loves company.

 BBBUUUUTTTT... You can make a choice, to have life more abundantly now. You can choose to be apart of the message Jesus came preaching, "... 'I must preach the kingdom of God' (Continuing on) 'For this purpose I have been sent'". You can choose to walk in a peace and not fear, submitting yourself to the prompting of the Holy Spirit. You can choose to walk in a boldness that isn't superficial (like the worlds) but one that carries authority internally outward. Acts 4:31 "After the prayer, the meeting place shook, and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit. Then they preached the word of God with boldness." Once we got out of our own way, seeking the Lord, He will answer. Our great Father will never force His will upon you, He will never make you walk in all the plans that He has for you, simply, if you are willing He is able.

Lastly,

James 4:8 "Draw near to the Lord and He will draw near to you." Choose today to draw near to God, because God drawing near to you, is one of the greatest experiences in this life.

Surprise flowers from the husband... God is great y'all! 

The House Built on Sand

Have you ever felt the conviction of God, and I mean the deep kind. The break down and cry, knees hit the floor, eyes finally opened, "how have I been so blind" conviction. And note, not the pretty crying, but the cry where your kids start freaking out because your sobbing. Yeah, the one right after you have built yourself up self righteously? Started comparing sin, "I may have done this but I would never do that" or the making excuses one, "only reason I did that is because you did this". Well it happens, and it happened to me yesterday. Let me level with y'all, I'm struggling. Crawling along at this point, or maybe God is just carrying me, although with my attitude I'd say its more of a dragging. Just kidding. But seriously.


My husbands working 70+ hours a week right now (he does windmills) and we made the decision long ago that we all go. We do this as a family. And I'm sure some people will say, been there done that (successfully), well I'm just now here, and doing that, and by that I mean for dinner my kid ate the crumbs from his car seat. Totally kidding, he had oatmeal, but did snack on a few treasures that were from his secret stash while they played happily in the car (parked). MY KIDS LOVE PLAYING IN THE CAR.

But back to the opening of the eyes. I can be a selfish person, especially when it comes to the structure I like to have. I like structure, my kids thrive in structure. My husband, laid back, easy going, go with the flow kinda guy. (Can you see where I'm going?) I can also be self righteous. Ironic really, especially seeing as the Lord saved me from a sin filled life. (Really easy to go down this road with the martyr mentality.) And finally, I seem to forget who my provider is, for ALL things in my life. Ladies, you hear me? I know I'm not alone right? Looking to your husband for happiness? Contentment? Joy? All these pieces began to fit perfectly in the Janelle's About to Lose it puzzle.

Then, BAM, I lost it. It was bad, ugly, my husband got it, my kids saw it. I was the only one who didn't. Nope not yet, I thought I had a right to act the way I did. I thought I was completely justified.... Yikes. The house I built on sand, man did it ever come down hard, with a slam. But you see, while everyone else saw what I did and knew that it wasn't right, I still didn't. I was relishing in my outburst, I felt good about what I said, until... "Mommy? Can you not yell anymore, it really scares me." My sweet three year old, but didn't she understand, it wasn't my fault, it wasn't me at all. Didn't she get that I was exhausted (come to me all who labor and are weary I will give you rest Mt. 11:28), that I was stressed out (peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you John 14:27), that I wasn't the first to be rude (be slow to anger James 1:20), it wasn't the first time either (keep no record of wrong 1 Cor. 13:5), and that I just couldn't handle it any more. I, I, I..... Enter my eyes being opened. It hit me. I had seen the abundance of my heart, because boy did my mouth have a lot to say. My tongue was not tamed.

I scooped up my baby girl, crying, telling her that "mommy had been wrong, mommy hadn't been focusing on God, mommy wasn't being nice like Jesus said, mommy should have stopped and went to God, just like I tell you to do. You see baby girl, mommy needs Jesus now just as much as I ever have, mommy is not perfect, mommy still needs forgiveness. Will you pray with me?"

You see, it doesn't matter what happened, what matters is how I acted and what they all saw. I had done the complete opposite of what I'm trying to teach my kids. We are responsible for our own actions. The truth is, if I had been focusing on God then none of this would have happened. If I had been taking my request to Him, seeking Him, knocking, this wouldn't have happened. Isn't it something that Jesus was always where he was supposed to be? That He was lead by the Spirit here, or there, all because He was committed to the will of the Father. If I've committed my life to the will of the Father, if I want His will in my life and the life of my family, then I need to allow the Spirit to guide me in my life. Not just in what jobs my husband takes, but in my daily activities, the small things, because my daughter watches everything, she sees my attitude when I wash dishes, pick up after my husband at times, and she definitely sees the tone in which I speak to him. If I continue to be so tied down to how I think my life should go and don't allow the Spirit to guide me anywhere, then what am I really telling my kids? That they should allow to be lead by the Spirit only if it fits into their life, as long as it doesn't mess up their daily routines? Don't get me wrong, I believe structure is important, but I don't think you should become a slave to anything, including schedules.


It really is pretty simply isn't it? To make a daily decision in your life of who is King? To decide what will rule over you, or who will reign through you? It's not about trying to be perfect, but allowing the Spirit to guide me and submitting to His ways over my flesh, one step at a time. So no matter where you find yourself today, whether your the mom who blew up or the dad who didn't respond in kindness, there is always forgiveness. Be quick to make things right and don't let the sun go down while your still angry. You see I didn't have to swallow my pride to apologize, because I'm allowing the Holy Spirit to purge me of something God hates.

I am committed to being a wise woman, a woman who listens to the words of Jesus and does them. A house built on a rock. A Kingdom home that is seeking the Perfecter in all things!

Matthew 7:24-27
²⁴ “Therefore whoever hears these sayings of Mine, and does them, I will liken him to a wise man who built his house on the rock: ²⁵ and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock.
²⁶ “But everyone who hears these sayings of Mine, and does not do them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand: ²⁷ and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it fell. And great was its fall.” 

Qualified...?

Well wouldn't cha just know it...

Yesterday after I came off my high of finally submitting to the pulling of my spirit to start a blog... Doubt. Set. In. Questions of qualifications started to fill my head, I mean really who am I to start a blog (anyone can start one). But the blows were must deeper than just what I thought I had to say, oh no the enemy is too smart for that, you know what I began to question? My identity. Not my present one, the one that I carried with me when I walked in rebellion to God, when my words, actions, and meditations of my heart reflected a young lady who didn't know who she was, and boy, when I say I was lost, yikes, it took divine intervention in my life to help me find my way back again. (Queue my handsome husband, a gift I didn't deserve at the time, and a man filled with a gift from God, patience). If it wasn't for the words of my husband last night, the blog, Heaven on Earth's Home, would have been a one and done, a one hit wonder (was it a hit?) or maybe just another failure in my life, thank goodness two are better than one, right??! A three stand rope.

You see I kept envisioning a person that knew me during my time of rebellion, stumbling across my blog and just commenting "if you all knew this girl, who is she to talk about God". Then my playlist started to play the most fitting song... Redeemed, by Big Daddy Weave. Every time this song comes on I just can't help the tears, seriously. To always be stopped in whatever I am doing to soak in the realization of the Father's love for me. A God that is LOVE! A God that desires a relationship with me, that longs for me to have eternity with Him. His calling on my life is what has "qualified" me, not for my own words and opinions, but to have a home that is Heaven on Earth, that the word of God gets the first and last say.

Isn't just amazing that man doesn't get to decide if we are qualified. Isn't just wonderful the power of redemption. Isn't it just exhilaration to know that no matter where you are in your life that God doesn't have to be through with you yet?! I find peace in knowing that I did not qualify myself, not through works, or self proclaimed righteousness, but what qualified me is a love that sought me out to give me a life, but not just a life, but an abundant life.

After talking with my husband last night, he helped me (and by helped I mean he did it all on his own, everyone has gifts and computer stuff... Uh things?... Applications is one of his many) put a subscribe button at the bottom of my page. Yes my biggest on earth fan, believes in me and what God is doing, and he thinks people will want to hear about the daily activities that go on in a home, that is just striving to be a Kingdom house. To be apart of a family that is by no part of the definition perfect, but, we are trying to advance God's Kingdom in whatever way He wills and allows in our lives. So there you have it for today, from self sulking to on fire once again, from a blog with no subscribe button to a follow me... Well don't I just feel professional!

During all these ups and downs, I couldn't help but be reminded of the Parable of the lost son, a grand story of repentance. But not just a story of repentance but one of restoration, not according to the eyes of the world but one in accordance with a love that only our Father above could give.

The Parable of the Lost Son

^{Luke 15:11-32
11} Then He said: “A certain man had two sons. ¹² And the younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me the portion of goods that falls to me.’ So he divided to them his livelihood. ¹³ And not many days after, the younger son gathered all together, journeyed to a far country, and there wasted his possessions with prodigal living. ¹⁴ But when he had spent all, there arose a severe famine in that land, and he began to be in want. ¹⁵ Then he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country, and he sent him into his fields to feed swine. ¹⁶ And he would gladly have filled his stomach with the pods that the swine ate, and no one gave him anything.
¹⁷ “But when he came to himself, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger! ¹⁸ I will arise and go to my father, and will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you, ¹⁹ and I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Make me like one of your hired servants.”’
²⁰ “And he arose and came to his father. But when he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him. ²¹ And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight, and am no longer worthy to be called your son.’
²² “But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring^[a] out the best robe and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet. ²³ And bring the fatted calf here and kill it, and let us eat and be merry; ²⁴ for this my son was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ And they began to be merry.
²⁵ “Now his older son was in the field. And as he came and drew near to the house, he heard music and dancing. ²⁶ So he called one of the servants and asked what these things meant. ²⁷ And he said to him, ‘Your brother has come, and because he has received him safe and sound, your father has killed the fatted calf.’
²⁸ “But he was angry and would not go in. Therefore his father came out and pleaded with him. ²⁹ So he answered and said to his father, ‘Lo, these many years I have been serving you; I never transgressed your commandment at any time; and yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might make merry with my friends. ³⁰ But as soon as this son of yours came, who has devoured your livelihood with harlots, you killed the fatted calf for him.’
³¹ “And he said to him, ‘Son, you are always with me, and all that I have is yours. ³² It was right that we should make merry and be glad, for your brother was dead and is alive again, and was lost and is found.’”



***Remember that no matter where you are in life, man cannot determine your outcome, that what you have gone through or are going through, whether a lack of commitment or an addiction, if you are willing then God is able. Now realizing that can give a person some real peace****

Welcome

Hello all,
By all I most likely mean the one follower I hope to have by the end of the day, thanks mom! This will actually be my fourth attempt at a blog, between travel (for my husbands job, not leisure) and the active kiddos, I just cant seem to stay committed, and in turn my accounts keep getting deactivated, so Heaven on Earth's Home it is!
So... A little bit about me, I have been married four years to a handsome and hardworking man that makes it possible for me to stay at home taking care of our sweet babies. Speaking of babies, we have two littles, three and one, girl and boy, completely different in everyway, and both deeply loved by all they come in contact with, God gave them beautiful hearts. And lastly we have a 145+ lbs Saint Bernard. My life really isn't so interesting that I believe people will want to hear what I have to say, but the more I prayed the more I felt lead by the Spirit to start a blog. Hence why I am here, at the counter typing away before nap time, it must be God because my kids are actually letting me have some time while they play in the room (quietly and nicely).
God has slowly been changing my heart, giving me passions and desires, for the things that He has called me to do and making the things which I thought I wanted in life mean nothing. By revelation I'm beginning to see that I am advancing God's Kingdom, one dirty diaper at a time, one kissed "owee", another coloring page, and too many hugs and kisses throughout the day to count. But what does count is that I am here and present to my calling, that I give as much attention to detail to the laundry that I would have as if I were the marketing president of a huge corporation (old dream).  
I want to bring Heaven to Earth within my home, to have God's Kingdom be the rule and reign, the final word, and it would seem that I am to share this part of my life.
Actually, im a bit excited, to have a door open that God can use to reach others and in turn have others reach me, so that we can all share the part of God's Kingdom that we posses and continue to advance it, especially in a world that is more than willing to shut the Lord out, I'm happy to be able to invite Him in. So welcome to my not so perfect, but purposed life, just a mom trying to bring Heaven to Earth within her home.

Matthew 6:33
"But seek first the KINGDOM OF GOD and HIS RIGHTEOUSNESS, and all these things shall be added to you." (Emphases mine)

Note, having to post before I can edit, so please be kind, nap time waits for no blogger, or maybe its just me.