The House Built on Sand

Have you ever felt the conviction of God, and I mean the deep kind. The break down and cry, knees hit the floor, eyes finally opened, "how have I been so blind" conviction. And note, not the pretty crying, but the cry where your kids start freaking out because your sobbing. Yeah, the one right after you have built yourself up self righteously? Started comparing sin, "I may have done this but I would never do that" or the making excuses one, "only reason I did that is because you did this". Well it happens, and it happened to me yesterday. Let me level with y'all, I'm struggling. Crawling along at this point, or maybe God is just carrying me, although with my attitude I'd say its more of a dragging. Just kidding. But seriously.


My husbands working 70+ hours a week right now (he does windmills) and we made the decision long ago that we all go. We do this as a family. And I'm sure some people will say, been there done that (successfully), well I'm just now here, and doing that, and by that I mean for dinner my kid ate the crumbs from his car seat. Totally kidding, he had oatmeal, but did snack on a few treasures that were from his secret stash while they played happily in the car (parked). MY KIDS LOVE PLAYING IN THE CAR.

But back to the opening of the eyes. I can be a selfish person, especially when it comes to the structure I like to have. I like structure, my kids thrive in structure. My husband, laid back, easy going, go with the flow kinda guy. (Can you see where I'm going?) I can also be self righteous. Ironic really, especially seeing as the Lord saved me from a sin filled life. (Really easy to go down this road with the martyr mentality.) And finally, I seem to forget who my provider is, for ALL things in my life. Ladies, you hear me? I know I'm not alone right? Looking to your husband for happiness? Contentment? Joy? All these pieces began to fit perfectly in the Janelle's About to Lose it puzzle.

Then, BAM, I lost it. It was bad, ugly, my husband got it, my kids saw it. I was the only one who didn't. Nope not yet, I thought I had a right to act the way I did. I thought I was completely justified.... Yikes. The house I built on sand, man did it ever come down hard, with a slam. But you see, while everyone else saw what I did and knew that it wasn't right, I still didn't. I was relishing in my outburst, I felt good about what I said, until... "Mommy? Can you not yell anymore, it really scares me." My sweet three year old, but didn't she understand, it wasn't my fault, it wasn't me at all. Didn't she get that I was exhausted (come to me all who labor and are weary I will give you rest Mt. 11:28), that I was stressed out (peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you John 14:27), that I wasn't the first to be rude (be slow to anger James 1:20), it wasn't the first time either (keep no record of wrong 1 Cor. 13:5), and that I just couldn't handle it any more. I, I, I..... Enter my eyes being opened. It hit me. I had seen the abundance of my heart, because boy did my mouth have a lot to say. My tongue was not tamed.

I scooped up my baby girl, crying, telling her that "mommy had been wrong, mommy hadn't been focusing on God, mommy wasn't being nice like Jesus said, mommy should have stopped and went to God, just like I tell you to do. You see baby girl, mommy needs Jesus now just as much as I ever have, mommy is not perfect, mommy still needs forgiveness. Will you pray with me?"

You see, it doesn't matter what happened, what matters is how I acted and what they all saw. I had done the complete opposite of what I'm trying to teach my kids. We are responsible for our own actions. The truth is, if I had been focusing on God then none of this would have happened. If I had been taking my request to Him, seeking Him, knocking, this wouldn't have happened. Isn't it something that Jesus was always where he was supposed to be? That He was lead by the Spirit here, or there, all because He was committed to the will of the Father. If I've committed my life to the will of the Father, if I want His will in my life and the life of my family, then I need to allow the Spirit to guide me in my life. Not just in what jobs my husband takes, but in my daily activities, the small things, because my daughter watches everything, she sees my attitude when I wash dishes, pick up after my husband at times, and she definitely sees the tone in which I speak to him. If I continue to be so tied down to how I think my life should go and don't allow the Spirit to guide me anywhere, then what am I really telling my kids? That they should allow to be lead by the Spirit only if it fits into their life, as long as it doesn't mess up their daily routines? Don't get me wrong, I believe structure is important, but I don't think you should become a slave to anything, including schedules.


It really is pretty simply isn't it? To make a daily decision in your life of who is King? To decide what will rule over you, or who will reign through you? It's not about trying to be perfect, but allowing the Spirit to guide me and submitting to His ways over my flesh, one step at a time. So no matter where you find yourself today, whether your the mom who blew up or the dad who didn't respond in kindness, there is always forgiveness. Be quick to make things right and don't let the sun go down while your still angry. You see I didn't have to swallow my pride to apologize, because I'm allowing the Holy Spirit to purge me of something God hates.

I am committed to being a wise woman, a woman who listens to the words of Jesus and does them. A house built on a rock. A Kingdom home that is seeking the Perfecter in all things!

Matthew 7:24-27
²⁴ “Therefore whoever hears these sayings of Mine, and does them, I will liken him to a wise man who built his house on the rock: ²⁵ and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock.
²⁶ “But everyone who hears these sayings of Mine, and does not do them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand: ²⁷ and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it fell. And great was its fall.”