The Mind of a Citizen

The hard times. I think most of us have been there at one point or another in our lives, the “dark valley”. As a mother and wife I can say that I have had those times in my life, thankfully this season isn't one, and when I look back at those times it's with a different set of eyes and ears, a renewed heart and mind. Seeing the changes that God has been developing in me over time, it really is quite fascinating. Don't get me wrong, I still go through some tough times in my life, while I am blessed to have the life that I do, it isn't a perfect one. Nor am I perfect in any sense of the way. But with that being said I need to tell all of you the amazing transformation that has taken place in my mind. It has changed my entire outlook on life, it has changed my day to day decisions, it has changed everything. That is... The MIND OF A CITIZEN. There is a peace that can not be explainable and joy that is unquenchable. So there is still hope, there can still be restoration, He can change you.

But first, here is how I got to the point where I am now...

My life was falling apart, my marriage was failing, I was failing as a mother, and my relationship with the Lord, subpar at best. I mean what wife or mother doesn't long for peace, not only a self peace, but a peace within their home. For a long time my home was filled with turmoil. It was not a happy place, not one filled with joy, it seemed like everything was falling apart, and sadly I was convinced that in the end the falling apart of what I knew in my life would bring me peace. I began to find contentment in the fact that I would no longer be in a marriage (ever again) and that somehow this would be what was best for my kids. I was tired of fighting. This is what happened and the conclusions I came to by being self absorbed with my own wants and my own ways. I contemplated the idea of what would make me happy using my own reasoning, (and in turn got nowhere) I was at the center of my universe and I was exhausted. It was here that the Lord kindly, lovingly, and gently showed me that with me at the center I would never have peace, I would never be happy, and I would never fulfill the works that He created for me to walk in. Isaiah 55:8-9 says, “For My thoughts are not your thoughts. Nor are your ways My ways.” says the Lord. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than you thoughts.”. So you see, as long as I was relying on my own knowledge and on my own abilities, I was going to continually fail. I was going to keep ending up in this dark valley that I had been roaming around in for way too long.

As I began to search for real joy, a true contentment, (This time entrusting the Lord to lead me) John 10:10 came into my heart “The thief does not come EXCEPT to steal, and to kill, and to destroy.” (emphasis mine) Yikes, while that can be intimidating, I was then reminded of James 4:7 “Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.” Here's the thing, first, I was not submitting myself to the Lord, I wanted to serve up some of my own personal judgment, because forgiveness didn't seem like something I wanted to do (But boy did I need forgiveness). However, at this time holding onto anger and frustration was easier in my eyes then surrendering them and taking responsibility in my relationship with God. I preferred to have an excuse for why I acted the way I did, why I was so frustrated and so tired, I didn't to take any blame. If I was rude it was because someone did something to me, if I was short tempered it was because I had been pushed too far, it was never me. So ... By no means was I resisting the the devil, in fact I was inviting him into my home, with every rude comment, every face made, every selfish desire. As the Lord showed me that the current state of my life had more to do with me, my own actions and decisions, and less to do with those around, it was something that I wasn't ready to face, and so didn't for some time. (Isn't it funny how we say we want to be happy but wont seek the Giver of all joy?) 

Thankfully...

Something happens when you spend time with God, the more time you spend with Him, the more you take on His characteristics and the more your mind meditates on the Word (without effort). And here, in the comfort of the Word, prompting of the Spirit, and guidance of the Father, I found a peace that consumed my entire being. It was a complete reliance on the Lord, a surrender of everything I had, and It felt amazing, beyond anything I had ever experienced. My desire became to fulfill what God has set aside for me, my wants became aligned with His will. All because I became a citizen of the Kingdom. I wanted to advance the Lord reign on earth starting within my own home. My rest and assurance could be found in the Father, why? Because what He has for this little family is exactly what I want. The pressure to forge my own way, to create my own path, to plan my own destiny... Gone. All that I had became the Lords. My husband, my kids, my life. Finally, yes finally for the first time in my entire life, I. Was. Free. (Can I get an amen here?!?!?!) In freedom there is a joy that satan cannot steal. No matter how much tentsion or temptation may arise, and even if you stumble for a second, the deepest desires of the heart is to please God. My mind and heart were aligned with my spirit, God's rule and reign would be permanent, Jesus our forever King. Us... Sons and daughters.

For a long time I thought there was no hope, God couldn't save my marriage (He redeemed it, and made it stronger than it has ever been), He couldn't make me a better mother (He already started too), and He couldn't bring me true happiness (and yet somehow He did). The dark valley that I had been treading around in was of my own choice, the wallowing of my life became a safe place that I wasn't happy in, all because it was familiar. I've known so many people who stay in the dark valleys. Who aren't ready to surrender it all to God for different reasons, and who find people who encourage them to stay there, misery loves company.

 BBBUUUUTTTT... You can make a choice, to have life more abundantly now. You can choose to be apart of the message Jesus came preaching, "... 'I must preach the kingdom of God' (Continuing on) 'For this purpose I have been sent'". You can choose to walk in a peace and not fear, submitting yourself to the prompting of the Holy Spirit. You can choose to walk in a boldness that isn't superficial (like the worlds) but one that carries authority internally outward. Acts 4:31 "After the prayer, the meeting place shook, and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit. Then they preached the word of God with boldness." Once we got out of our own way, seeking the Lord, He will answer. Our great Father will never force His will upon you, He will never make you walk in all the plans that He has for you, simply, if you are willing He is able.

Lastly,

James 4:8 "Draw near to the Lord and He will draw near to you." Choose today to draw near to God, because God drawing near to you, is one of the greatest experiences in this life.

Surprise flowers from the husband... God is great y'all!